AND THEN I SAID I DO...
If you've been following along with me for the years that I have been intermittently posting, you know that finding love and lasting relationships has been a struggle for me but something I always wanted. At the start of 2023, I decided that I wasn't going to wait any longer to change myself physically before I put myself back out there. I would let my confidence and hard work emotionally & mentally shine and hope that it would attract the right partner for me. I started with coffee dates and one of which turned into a 7-month long relationship. It ended when he realized that he didn't want a relationship at all - well, he was a complete avoidant and poor communicator and we can go down the rabbit hole on all the red flags I should have seen more clearly - but I was so proud of myself for just getting back out there, being vulnerable again and really stating my needs. Honestly, if I hadn't been vocal about my needs and wants in our relationship, I could have easily just brushed the flags under the rug for years and still ended up empty handed and heartbroken. So, it was a blessing in disguise at the time that I was set free to find what I really wanted for myself.
I explored and dated even more after that relationship the next few months. To bounce back from the breakup, I joined a few female empowerment groups like a book club, witchcraft group, crafting meet-ups, and ladies game nights, and strengthened my bond with some of the women in my life. It was just what I needed to stay grounded, build my confidence, and find community. I also tried every old wives tale or woowoo trick in the bag to manifest once and for all the real love I've been waiting so long for. I did the eating 12 grapes rapidly midnight on New Year's Eve while sitting under a table. I wrote down 13 wishes burning one per night in my cauldron for 12 consecutive nights for the universe to manifest for me, leaving the 13th one for myself to manifest. I wrote down my wishes, folded the paper and placed under my pillow to sleep on. I did a daily tarot draws, went and saw my tarot reader, made potions and did candle burning rituals... I mean, I tried everything.
By January 2024, I was still on the apps after a few months and had a few men I was in contact with but none of them were really feeling like the next step of meeting was right... except there was one that kept me interested. I wasn't so sure of him as he was soooo nice, used terms like malady, and never crossed any inappropriate lines (very unlike majority of the other men that were aggressively sexual even at the first 'hello' dm). He was goofy and quirky, a bit of a nerd. I found that I was chasing other conversations with men that were more like my usual 'type' - unpredictable, slight bad boys, and love bombers. When the nice sweet guy asked me out for coffee, I was a bit on the fence about it but something was telling me to just try it out and see what happens. The day before, I had an eye reading session with intuitive reader and matchmaker Laureli Shimayo. There was so much that was unlocked for me in this session - the patterns of similarities between partners was so clear now. The types of men I had dated or hooked up with in the past were opposite of what was truly a match for my unique self, and in a screwed up way, they were all versions of my father (emotionally distant, introverted, troubled). I told her I had a coffee date planned for the next day but I wasn't entirely sure about the guy because he's soooooo different from others I've dated before and he seemed almost 'too nice'. She took a look at his dating profile photos (only, no other information/context was given) and she confirmed that he was much more aligned to what my soul match is and urged me to be open-minded and trust the coffee date.
The next afternoon, I drove to downtown Tigard to meet up for coffee with Kellen - a 6'5" man wearing a quarter zip navy blue sweater, fitted jeans, sneakers and glasses sitting in the corner of the coffee shop reading a book quietly waiting for me. Now going into this I was somewhat expecting someone dressed as a Lord of the Rings fan or Ren Faire cosplayer with the way he would send messages, but he wasn't at all like that. This younger man (7yrs my junior) greeted me with the most handsome smile, a nice hug, and we just got to chatting and it was so easy. He was attentive, asked ME questions (vs just talking about himself and not reciprocating interest) - we talked about light hearted things, deep topics and everything in between. And, he even shed a tear when talking about a scene in one of his favorite movies. He was nothing what I expected but knew this was just different in all the good ways. We spent over 3 hours chatting away until I finally had to leave to meet up with family. He was such a gentleman and walked me to my car, immediately stated he wanted to see me again, and bonus... He followed up with a text within the hour and asked for a 2nd date with suggested days/times. Wow! I know it's sad that us women have had to lower the bar sooooo low that we get excited when a guy just follows through with the basics... ha! But, this was all adding up to show me through actions (not just words) that he was making his intentions known. He wasn't rushing but understood keeping a good pace, taking one step at a time he still kept me interested but never guessing where I stood with him. One date turned into another and another and another. So sweet, and old school, he asked me to officially be his girlfriend, to meet his friends and family, and made every effort to show how our lives would mold together.
After about 7 months of dating, we moved in together, and even had my mom (who has been going through cancer and medical issues) move in with us. I do not know a single man from my past that would sign up for this especially early in a relationship, but Kellen did effortlessly and was incredibly supportive. Moving in together was a massive milestone for him as he hadn't done that with partners in the past, and he was very much used to his routine and space. Kellen has autism and ADHD. Getting to this stage of his life in finding a long-term partner was something he wanted but never could see it actually happen for him. His closest friends and family knew it would take someone special to love him the way he deserves to be loved - with patience, kindness, care and maybe a bit of spice. I knew he was my human, and in some way, it felt as if our souls have been with each other in our past lives before.
A few weeks before we matched on Tinder, I had a flash vision of hugging and kissing the jaw of a tall, dark haired man with a short beard. I remember it vividly. I was driving, stopped at a red light, and I had this flash vision come in for just a few seconds, and I felt this strong butterfly-in-my-stomach feeling and a zap of tingles throughout my body, and at the same time this great sense of peace and happiness. It was so powerful that I had to call my bestie and tell her about it. I told her "someone is coming into my life very soon, and this is the one". Flash forward several months, when Kellen hugged me in my kitchen and I snuggled up my face into his neck and kissed his jaw (that's all I can reach since he's so tall), it was a deja vu moment that I felt throughout my body. Ok, wether you believe in the woowoos or not, all I can tell you is that he was genuinely making me happy. When I look at photos of me with him, I can see the joy and happiness on my face that I haven't seen in... years.. ever...?
His autism and ADHD come with some challenges around emotional regulation, stress from pattern changes, loss of control, defiance, hyper fixation, and functioning through ambiguity. And all at the same time, his autism is part of the things that are so beautiful and amazing about him. Because of his sensitivity to pattern changes, he can pick up on the smallest shifts and knows when something is off with me before I even can recognize it myself (coming down with something, emotional changes, etc). This makes him hyper aware to always ensuring that I'm ok. When he starts to talk about something he's watched, read or listened to and wants to share it, he has to share the entire synopsis without stopping and it is the most entertaining rant you will ever witness. He fears losing the people around him and the idea of missing out on time or experiences with the people he loves. Therefore, he wants to invite everyone to everything all the time so that they don't miss out and so that he doesn't miss the opportunity to share with others. It's honestly the sweetest damn thing about him - somewhat of a pain when we are trying to go on adventures just the two of us. He is also extremely smart and can retain very specific facts. He is incredibly observant! He impresses the hell out of me when he seems entirely distracted and pacing around the house coming in and out of the room I'm in while I watch a show - and he will somehow pick up character names, storylines, quotes, etc when only being in the room for 30 seconds once every 20 minutes - and then he will ask me what happened to x character or x situation... and I'm like, huh? I've been sitting there watching the whole time and somehow I still don't remember half of the character names.
We decided to start couple's therapy a few months after living together to ensure that our needs are being met at both ends of the relationship and that I have the additional support and tools to navigate his autism with him. It has been incredibly powerful for us to have this as a tool for us! I have my own personal therapist I started going to a few months before meeting Kellen, and today, Kellen is now meeting with our couple's therapist (who is also a specialist in autism and ADHD) for personal sessions.
On April 13th of 2025, Kellen and I decided to take a lovely day-date out on the town, revisited the coffee shop where we first met, took in a movie and lunch, and strolled around Bridgeport enjoying being 'out' for the day. I could tell that his energy shifted as the evening was approaching and he became eager to get home. And to my surprise, when we pulled up at home, I could see trails of candles and rose petals waiting for us. This was "it"! We walked in and our dear friend Logan was standing by filming. Kellen walked me to the back yard where our other dear friend Ashley was hiding behind a tree. There were photos of us strung up in the yard and I was enjoying looking at all of them when Kellen bent down on one knee behind me. I turned around and saw his sweet face stumbling on his words a bit emotionally and asked me to be the love his life and wife for the rest of his days. And, of course I said YES! It was perfect, he was perfect, the ring was perfect. A beautiful and intimate proposal, just as I had hoped for. I couldn't wait to start planning! While I texted and called all of our friends and family, Kellen passed out on the couch from over stimulation and emotional exhaustion 😆 Kel can't tell a lie, and it is against his very nature to keep secrets, so holding it in all day knowing there was planning and coordinating happening back home, he was wiped! Oh, and it wouldn't be us if we didn't have a goofy moment - check out our video of us arriving to the proposal at our home and realized I didn't have the keys to the house. And, if you want to see our proposal, check out the video here.
We got to planning the wedding right away, set a date (May 17th 2026) and everything was under way. Let's be honest, I can plan events in the snap of my fingers, so I essentially had the wedding all planned within a week of getting engaged! Hahaha I will do a post soon on the planning tips/tricks and tools I used for our wedding. I have always wanted a themed wedding but not so over the top that it would feel over produced. We had been watching episodes of Peaky Blinders, and some of my favorite movies are set in the 20s. So, we decided on a 1920s themed wedding with a rustic, moonshine-runner, smoking cigars type of vibe.
To keep costs down, we opted for McMenamins in Hillsboro (Cornelius Pass Roadhouse) - I've always wanted to get married there and had hosted several company events and personal events there in the past. The octagonal barn and whisky distillery were the perfect backdrop for our wedding theme. I made everything for the wedding - designed the invitations, made the favours, designed the program, made all of the center pieces, thrifted all of the decor, & organized and planned every detail to a T with coordinated binders for each person in our wedding party - again, I'll do a post on all the planning tips and tools.
My dress was designed by a local designer I discovered on Instagram - Sarah from Sew Romantic. All of her dresses are handmade by her and are adjustable for all body shapes and sizes. And she had the perfect fabric and style of dress I wanted for my wedding (the Great Gatsby dress in white/silver). Being a plus-sized bride going through GLP1 treatment, fertility work and aiming to get pregnant, I had no idea what shape and size my body would be by the wedding. So finding an adjustable dress that had a very forgiving structure was important to me and would help avoid the stress in having to go through tedious fittings or having to buy multiple dresses. I honestly just wanted a worry-free decision so that I could focus on what truly mattered.
For his suit, we hired local designer (and a former student of mine) who is a phenomenal dress and suit designer based in Portland and Salem - Vien To from Vouture. The attention to detail in his custom suit is impeccable. From the oyster shell buttons, the paisley vest lining, embroidered names and wedding date on the inside of the jacket, and more. It fit him like a glove and will be something he will wear over and over again.
For the groomsmen, they picked up dress shirts, shoes and pants from MensWarehouse and I gifted them their accessories and keepsakes (hat, custom suspenders, cufflinks, hanger, leather toiletry bag, tumbler, etc). For the bridesmaids, they all shopped on Amazon for flapper dresses in emerald green, and I gifted them jewelry and accessories with their bridesmaid boxes.
A couple days before the big day, our wedding party threw us a combined bachelor/bachelorette in the theme of Golden Girls. We all dressed up as oldies to attend our party at the "senior home". It was a blast! My maid of honor (my bestie, my sister, my rock) Nikki-Rae and our dear friends Ashley, Logan, Kaela and Caroline put on quite the event. We played bingo, pin the glasses on Sophia, shuffleboard and so much more. And of course we borrowed my mom's mobility scooter to race and do donuts in the courtyard with. Ha! 💨
We had a welcoming party & rehearsal at my non-profit (Salem's Riverfront Carousel) the day before the wedding which was the perfect spot for all of our guests to gather and spend time with us before the big day. And, because we asked that no children attend the wedding, the welcoming party was the opportunity to bring kids out for carousel rides, pizza and fun with the bride and groom. I even had cute custom can-koozies made for the day as a memento. We stayed in an Airbnb near the wedding venue to get ready together (guys downstairs, girls upstairs). Our host Kristen was so sweet and made a custom magnet for us with our wedding date on it! My dear friend and bridesmaid, Kaela from Boujee Hair, did my hair for the wedding.
Our dear friend Mandy was our photographer for our engagement shoot and wedding day. We hired a tarot reader for the reception and the amazing band Boy & Bean for our ceremony and cocktail hour. Snacks, dinner, desserts and non-alcoholic beverages were included and to help us keep our costs down we did a no-host bar. We purchased extra desserts from Costco and Whole Foods, and our wedding cake from one of our favorite bakeries in Salem for their champagne cake - Konditorei - and just topped it with a custom cake topper I had designed on Etsy. We picked up a bunch of cigars from Broadway Cigar in Lake Oswego (from the amazing Billy) and had them ready for guests to enjoy. And, we even surprised our guests with our first "dance" which ended up as a lightsaber duel with sabers we purchased from Saber Forge!
My dear friends from Star Wars Oregon and Felcuia Saber Guild help us choreograph our duel. Here is a video of our dance turned duel!
All of our 90 guests dressed to the theme! My brother and my nephew were our ring security team and had mini tommy guns and a briefcase to suit the theme. For our ceremony, the band played 20s/30s covers as the wedding party walked down the aisle. Kellen first walked with his parents and seated them before the groomsmen came down to join him. Then each of the bridesmaids and flower girls followed, leaving me to make my grand entrance from the barn. I stopped at the top of the aisle and Kellen, who was overwhelmed with emotions and tears almost forgot, came down the aisle to give me a kiss, take my hand and walk me down the aisle. Just as our engagement, our ceremony was perfect. Kellen's sister, Chelsea, was our officiant and shared her personal memories of growing up with Kellen and the hope that she and their family had that he would find his person - everyone was a mess 😭 Off the top of Kellen's head he said his vows (this is 100% very much his style and with his autism the more he prepared the more nervous he became, so organic and free flowing was the way to go) and they were so touching and perfect. I, of course, wrote out my vows months ahead on a shared google doc with my maid of honor and officiant, doing revisions up until a week before the wedding and placed copies in strategic places so that I felt fully prepared.
During the reception our wedding party and our moms gave speeches. We danced the rest of the evening with family and friends, leaving time for a group photo with everyone still standing with us until the very end of the night. These are memories that we will forever cherish. The love and support we felt that day from the people we admire so much meant the world to us as we took the next step in our lives together. Next we hope to build a family.
At almost 43 years old (me) and plus-sized, we know that we have some challenges ahead in terms of fertility. We have been trying over the last year and have experienced some losses and a complicated journey of working with fertility doctors, acupuncturists, etc. We are staying hopeful that we will become pregnant and have a healthy baby. We know we have options down the road (adoption, surrogacy, etc), but we are working on our options right now to get pregnant naturally. Fingers crossed and send us baby dust! 🤞🏻✨ And, of course, I am doing the woowoo stuff to help manifest it, just as I did in January 2024 wishing for my love. 😉💕
Stay tuned for more posts on the details of our wedding along with tips, tricks and tools I used to make it all happen!
Here are a few photos from our engagement shoot. Photos by Mandy Lara 📸
And here are galleries of our wedding photos - by Mandy Lara 📸 - We have over 2,000 photos captured, so these are just a taste. Enjoy!
GETTING READY
WEDDING PARTY PHOTOS (BEFORE THE CEREMONY)
THE CEREMONY
THE DETAILS & WEDDING PARTY
JUST THE TWO OF US
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